“I’m 28 this year and my days of doing it in public are well and truly behind me.”
Dear Miss Enid,
I’ve been in a semi-committed relationship with a man for about 6 months now and there’s a chance he might just be the real deal. He is everything one would want of a man in his early 30s. He doesn’t behave like a man-child, he’s responsible, gentlemanly and he’s well on his way career-wise.
Everything is going great except for one caveat – he only wants to have sex outdoors. Staircases, cars, park benches, you name it. It isn’t just a spur of the moment thing either, the bedroom simply doesn’t do it for him. While it might have been thrilling the first few times, I’m 28 this year and my days of doing it in public are well and truly behind me. Is it just me or this really a deal-breaker? -Maintaining Modesty
Modesty, my unplucked flower.
First, let me just say how happy I am for you that you’ve found a man that might be worth holding onto!
Now on to this little situation we have. In my books, public fornication is strictly reserved for the young, dumb and broke or those with more than slight perverse leanings. Then again, there is a scientific explanation to all of this, something about the thrill of it all releasing dopamine, the feel-good hormone in the brain. So don’t be too quick to peg him as a complete fruitcake.
If, as you suggest, this is a man you can see some kind of future with, then it might be a worthwhile endeavour getting to the root cause of this inclination. From the way I see it, there are two possible explanations: one, he needs the thrill to rev his engines and two, he’s going through a fetish phase.
If it’s the former, my guess is that you’ll start seeing, if you haven’t already, this addiction to adrenaline in other facets of his life, something that can be a fabulous thing if channeled correctly. Take the opportunity to indulge him in other more productive activities that don’t involve a quiet staircase in the dead of night.
But suppose it’s the latter, then the course of action becomes clearer, albeit potentially more painful. You need to ask yourself if this is truly worth waiting around for. Because in my experience, darling, they rarely are.
Enid Advice is ELLE.COM.SG’s Aunt Agony column written by Miss Enid, someone who’s as colourful as she is level-headed.
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